The Last Night by Bob Mould
Its funny, I am learning a lesson today. I am not sure I wanted to learn this lesson, but I am learning it on two fronts. One friend I thought I had earned a pretty good line of trust with, having been through some of his troubles has effectively cut me off. Refusing to answer when I call, or even return an email. I try to objectively, and honestly self loathingly look at the whole thing. I simply am left standing her holding my joint in my hand, and no one can explain to me the frailities of the human spirit that would make something like this happen. I thought I had been rather supportive, almost unconditionally so, and I thought I brought a good sense of humor to the whole thing. One can never know I suppose.
The other lesson I am learning is that I am a not as trusting as I want to be. Me and Marcus are doing this thing, and some stuff added up sort of went sideways today. My feelings really got hurt by the whole thing. I also got scared that I bring no value to the project. I mean it, the real talent in the deal is Marcus. At least that is how I am seeing it tonight. We talked on the phone, and it honestly did not help me that much, if anything it made me more upset. It is not really anything that he did, at least I want it to be that way. I want the things to be totally simple things that mean nothing. But when you think that you are expendable, then these things are not good for your self esteem. I do not even really want to think about this for a few days, but I think I have to. Tonight, I question myself in all of it. I thought I did a good thing, and now I question myself.
I think I am pretty emotional. Tomorrow is thursday, and saturday is blues cafe. It is the first one since my departure. I think it is making me a wreck.
So lets change the subject. And for once in this blog, and my blogging experience as a whole lets talk about something that I find crude. The butt of a woman. I had woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking of Billie. And it was nice. I usually come to the fact that I was a dink to her, and she was nice to me. But last night I was just stuck thinking dirty thoughts. It is rare that this happens. Ask my friend from downsouth, I run from this stuff.
But last night I was thinking about Billies body. Billies body was amazing. It really was. The first time we were ever together I was totally overwhelmed. I had never really been with anyone with that sort of body combined with a real aggression in bed. It was amazing, and scary as shit. I thought I did pretty bad in my end of the exchanged, my oral skills were lacking, my conjugal time was short lived. I was way in over my head.
Regardless, the thing that stands out with Billie was her butt. It was amazing. I remember one time she was asleep, and I just touched her butt. A perfect curve. It was pretty cool.
As I laid there last night I thought more about butts. Which drew me to another girl I dated. Who had something in common with Billie. Something that for the longest time made up who they were. It is their identity in many ways.
And they both had amazing butts. Both had perfectly curved butts. That sort of hill shape if they were laying on their tummys while sleeping. It was sort of overwhelming last night to think about this. I laid there trying to go back to sleep, after thinking about these two women, and their butts. I had to get up and brush my teeth, and that is not code.
So that is probably as crude as I hope to ever get.
No wait, the only other time I really felt overwhlem in bed was…nah, I cant say. I think of her as a friend today.
So I was thinking about my bathroom. And the tools in there.
1. Shampoo…Garnier Fructise…one of those giant sams club bottles. I have probably had it for two years. Since for the longest time I have been bald. Only now growing my hair back.
2. Dial Soap. My mom gave me zest, and it sucked.
3. The Gilette Power Phantom thing…it is a new razor. It made me happy to buy, it is black. Like 100 blades.
4. Colgate Shaving Cream…its what my dad used.
5. Crest, with the twist cap, not the flip top.
6. Mint Floss
7. The Neti
