I cannot stop listening to this song, I saw her on the late night shows, and seriously, just fell in love with it. Right now it is really my song of the year, right now. I am so totally impressed by Mandy Moore, and I could really care less what you think. I earned my Clash stripes, you can just shut up.
This blog gets like no traffic, and the fact is, I never thought it would have any traffic. It is sort of personal, and distracted, and that is just hte way it is. Right now, the act of typing with NIN blasting in my head is sort of a mental work out that I am not all that able to make work out. I am a little sstoned on melatonin, and as such I am flying all over the place in my head.
I think that I am ready for the next transition in my head. In my heart. In my personal life. In my professional life. I think that it is right there, and I feel supported by some of the important people in my life, supported enough to make a change like this. Now I can take the active steps to ensure that it works out for me. I can prepare for eventualities.
I have started getting three women back in my life. Jackie, Melissa, and Laura. Melissa is the odd ball, because she is the angel I have never met. This otherworldly force of nature that possesses this place in my soul, and has been there for like a decade, and nothing moves her from there. Others come and go, and she is there.
I am on the bridge of my 20th class reunion. So, obviously I have Jackie stuff going on. Which is sort of beyond my control in many ways, and a welcome decade distraction. I think a lot of people think I am more upset about the Jackie thing, or that I want something from it, but man I do not want anything. In fact I want her to be okay. If she is okay, then we are all good. Without a doubt, there are a few magical things in my life, and she is one of them…
1. The way AC and I talked. That guy and I were amazing, and our timing together was so good. I miss him.
2. Talking to Laura. Not a lot in my life has made me feel as good as being with Laura, and talking to her. I would have never even needed to have kissed her, just talking to her was the best. It was so easy.
3. Watch Holt play. My friendship with Scott is just as natural as anyone. I like that, and when I get to see him play guitar I feel like I am getting the best part of my friend.
4. And Jackie. I have a feeling it was a bad relationship, but there are ideas in my life, and they are from her. And there are things that I have wanted to talk to people about all my life, and never felt okay doing it. But, these are the ideas of our time, and the formation of my life.
Laura and I talked the other night. We were talking about how we met, and how we fell in love. I was like 16, and she was 15, and we were sitting in a park watching a friend play soccer. And we talked all night long, in that park, into the dark. We could NOT stop talking, and I am 38 now, and I cannot stop talking to her now. Still.
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