Archive for the ‘angry’ Category
The snoring of the dog
So here is the thing, I learn lessons over and over and over again. I get them, then I forget them, then I get them again. It just kills me. I do not mind it, but sometimes I just wish I had held the lesson a little longer.
Today I came across a little link on facebook, sort of in passing, and it reminded me again of the true nature of friendship. In a negative way. I have often thought of people as amazingly intense friends, powerful parts of my life, and I have been reminded over and over again that people clearly do not see me as a part of their life. It is not a big deal, but it was reminded to me again today.
I think I saw this because I was thinking about some emails that I have sent that have not been responded to recently. For whatever reason I find that sort of thing to be absolutely heartbreaking in nature, and as a result it destroys my self esteem each time it happens. I took the time to email someone, something pertinent, and they could not be bothered to respond. I am often willing to concede that the fact is people are busy. But when it happens on like 100 occasions with a pair of specific people, all that you are left with is the fact that these folks do not like you. Which is a shitty thing, but a real thing.
Recently I have had the chance to say this…everyone wants to come to the party, but no one wants to set it up, or clean up afterwards. I truly think that. I think even the people who care stuck setting up and tearing it down, do not do it. It freaks me out to think that is the case, but I think it is. I think it is a series of pretend ideas, ran together with bad business connections, and stuck in front of no one.
So I have mistaken the relationships I have had in the past decade for intimacy. For friendship. I think I have many friends, but I think more than that I do not have many friends. Many of the people in the lamer moments in my life, many of those people are in fact not my friends. And it sucks to learn that one again, or rather be reminded of it. But sometimes we have no choice.
I am this
